Long term relationship sex – what’s the secret?

Stop talking about not doing it and just do it!

Too many times do we hear people in relationships saying that they’re not having enough sex. Either one or the other partner doesn’t fancy it or it’s become boring and mundane and the spontaneity and passion has gone.

The truth is, it’s not going to be like it was in the beginning forever, our lives change when we become settled into a relationship and with that comes routine, normal life, going to work, doing the chores and so on, all of which contribute to a lack of spontaneity.

The early days should never be forgotten, remembering what it was which you were first attracted to in the other person, what they did to turn you on, and off, and what you may have been doing differently. Re-discovering this is key, along with communication, something we forget to do, assuming our partner knows what we’re thinking or what we want. Talking through what we like and don’t like, want and don’t want, is a good thing.  Your partner would rather get it right than to stumble along not knowing what you’re thinking.

Nobody likes to plan or schedule these things but just like the rest of our lives have become, we need to consciously make a time and place for sex to happen, otherwise, just like everything else, it won’t. Think about your exercise routine and how you say you’re going to do it but then don’t.  Or you do make the time, you exercise and guess what, you get fit!  The same has to be done with your sex life and the more you do it the better you become.

A couple in the US decided to have sex for 365 days, another who did it for 101 days – this might be too much for anyone but it made them realise that sex is an important part of a successful relationship. They realised that men don’t need it more than women (which is what we’re led to believe), and that although men might want it for different reasons, the woman also has a need and desire for sex.

The wife from the 365 day experiment says, ‘everything just gets better when sex is a vital part of your relationship. He’s happier, your’e happier, the whole house is happier. A daily kindness enters your relationship, a level of attentiveness for each other. It’s almost like you’re dating again, and that’s a real discovery’.

Although both couples don’t recommend the total consecutive days routine because what worked for them won’t work for everyone. What they did recommend was that you look at what you’re doing already and double it, then double it again and you might be surprised at what that brings.

The word sex is usually associated with intercourse and it should mean intimate moments with your partner. Intimacy can play just as an important part, giving each other a massage or just lying to kiss and cuddle for an hour can be just as effective as full blown intercourse.

If you’re looking to spice things up a little then try introducing something different, dressing up or have a play with some adult toys. These encourage communication between a couple about what they do and don’t like and shopping for these things and trying them out can be great fun.

It’s too easy not to make time for one another especially now we have all these technology diversions with PCs, tablets and smartphones, which all distract from our interaction with each other. Make a concious agreement to ban these from the bedroom and hit the bedroom an hour earlier a couple of times a week to focus on each other. There is nothing wrong with a little enforced coupling.

Our advice to you – just make the time, stop talking about what you’re not doing and start doing something about it, you’ll benefit from it in the end 🙂

Make love

The girls


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